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Some HIV-positive men use online dating sites, such as Bareback RT, to find other positive men for condomless sex, because they feel more able to disclose online (although many positive men still won't choose to give out that information) [6].

The only way to be certain of your HIV status is to have an HIV test.

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Similarly, HIV-positive men may believe that their partner is also positive if they choose to have unprotected sex. If everyone only had sex with people who had the same HIV status (sero-sorting) then there would be no increase in the number of people living with HIV.

However there are still risks to unprotected sex between HIV-positive men.

It's estimated that more than 80% of new HIV infections are from sex with someone who was unaware that they were HIV-positive.

Editor’s note (2016): Since this article was published in 2013, there have been many exciting developments in research on viral suppression and treatment as prevention.

In this Q&A, Derek and Zachary offer their takes on what “undetectable” means, and their advice for how to talk about it with hook-ups, dates, and other important people in your life, whatever your HIV status. The first meaning is very clinical: Doctors aren’t able to find a detectable amount of virus when they screen you at regular check-ups. ” Asking the viral load question triggers a series of follow-up questions that help gauge where he’s at and how he takes care of himself.

This applies, obviously, to someone who has already been diagnosed as HIV positive, and who has controlled replication of the virus. When I ask guys if they’re undetectable, it’s one question in a series. Today, so much of this is done electronically, on Grindr and Scruff and Jackd and all these applications and online connections, that communication can actually be easier than being face-to-face.

Randomly in July, I noticed him at a movie theater: On Grindr and online, people lie with pictures all the time, choosing ones that distort their appearance in a captured second, but I was able to pick Miguel right out of a crowd.

His picture is a symbol of habitual honesty, maybe, but also because he's so attractive, he has no reason to lie."This always happens: someone will feel bad and then they'll see me out and they'll be like, ‘Oh my god, you're so fucking hot,'" Miguel told me while we waited for our table outside of a Chelsea brunch spot one Saturday in early July after I reconnected and asked him to talk to me.

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Because of advances in treatment, it is becoming rare that someone shows visible signs of HIV so you will not be able to tell that someone has HIV just by looking at them.

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